THE LEBRON SYSTEM

Think you've gotten as low as you can go?

WRONG!

 Introducing THE LEBRON SYSTEM!

Step 1: FAILURE

This is reached when you are almost to the pinnacle of your profession, before utterly disappearing in the most inopportune times and/or showing up and completely shitting the bed.

Step 2: ISOLATION

This is reached when you block out all objective criticism and surround yourself with "yes" men and others who constantly tell you how wonderful you are.  (This step also requires traveling around with no less then 6 "friends" at all times).

Step 3: SURRENDER

This is reached when you give up and join forces with your closest competition, agreeing to be second in command because you can't handle the pressure of being number 1.

Step 4: ALIENATION

This is reached when you succeed in pushing all colleagues away to the point they speak out against you and former contemporaries praise your rivals while giving you back handed compliments.

Step 5: WHINING

This is reached when no matter how hard you try nobody accepts you, and instead of looking in the mirror, you passive aggressively make everything "your fault".

Step 6: ACCEPTANCE

This is reached when you realize your place in the world.  That you will be wearing the black hat as long as you live, and no matter what you do or say will change this.

Step 7: FAILURE AT FAILURE

This is reached when despite all other failings, you are still given openings and opportunities for success, but fail miserably at those.  This can usually be seen by repeating step 1 on an even bigger stage or negating any positives that happen to pop up by utilizing one of steps 2-5.

By implementing these 7 steps you too can fail to reach your true potential and skate by in your profession with little to no effort.

You're welcome.