Disneyland: The Search For More Money

This line from "Spaceballs" kept popping into my head as I walked around Disneyland this past week.  I was raised in southern California, and frequented Disneyland growing up.  I have vivid memories of the rides and attractions, and still get reminded by my parents of the only 2 tantrums I had as a kid coming at the park.  It was always a great time and it was very difficult to leave (a problem I'm sure most kids have).  However, the last time I was there was over a decade ago when I was still in high school.  I hadn't been since the new California Adventure park opened, nor since the remodeling of certain rides.  So I was very curious to experience Disneyland from an adult perspective when I surprised my girlfriend with a season pass for Valentine's day (she had been eager to go with me for quite a while).  Had the park changed?  Would it still hold that "magic" that it did when I was a child?

The happiest (and priciest) place on Earth

The answer is yes and no.  The following is some observations I made while walking through the many lands of Disney:

ATTIRE

You know those guys who wear the band shirt to that same band's concert?  Like we don't already know you're a fan?  Apparently this is a major trend at Disneyland.  I couldn't believe how many people were wearing Disney merchandise.  And it wasn't even the children, many of whom were dressed in character costumes.  Even the adults had on Mickey shirts, Minnie sweaters, Goofy hats.  It was almost like a competition was going on to see what person could out Disney the next.  Shame on me for wearing jeans and a puma sweater.

PEOPLE

Whenever you go to any amusement park you are going to be amongst an eclectic group.  But even more so at Disneyland.  Living in southern California sometimes you forget that people travel from all around the world just to go to the park.  You see all kinds of people and hear many different languages as you stroll around.  But more so than the ethnicities and nationalities, it was the type of people that was striking.  Of course there were many young children, but what was shocking was the relatively close age of the parents to their kids.  I don't know if it's this "Teen Mom" thing that's influencing this generation, but I have never seen so many young mothers in my life.  It was very sad and depressing to see these mothers who were probably just as excited to go on the teacups as their kids.  The other striking feature was the size of the parkgoers.  Again, we are in America, and as a whole we are not the fittest nation in the world.  But man, seeing these enormous people walking (or riding) around was amazing.  I actually saw one woman who was at least 400 pounds spend 2 minutes trying to maneuver her rascal scooter through an opening that was no less than 4-5 feet wide.  This was in addition to those with canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.  Of course, we tend to reward those who have gorged themselves to obese levels.  We provide them with handicap placards, even though they should be parking as far away as possible and walking, and we do the same by allowing them to go straight to the front of lines.  "Oh, you weigh 350?  No problem!  Go right to the front, because we know you're hungry and can't have you take it out on those in line while you wait!"  But this is a microcosm of our country as a whole.  Very sad.

MERCHANDISE

As we were walking from one ride to the next, my girlfriend pointed out that the stores at the park seemed to outnumber the attractions.  As funny as this sounds it is absolutely true.  You can not walk more than 50 yards before you are inundated with Disney apparel.  They literally have anything and everything that you could possibly want with a character on it.  It was unbelievable.  If it was not an actual store, it was a stand.  If it wasn't a stand, it was a walking vendor.  And the ears.  My God the ears.  When I was younger they had two types of ears; girls (with a bow) and boys (sans bow).  They covered your head a la the old Mickey Mouse Club, and you could get your name embroidered on it.  While they still have these, they have about a thousand more.  Cheetah print ears, sequin ears, wedding ears (with a veil and all)...they literally thought of every type and produced it.  And you know what?  People buy them!  It was like a mouse fashion show walking around.  And once nightfall came, it was time to milk the remaining dollars out of the parkgoers by bringing out the glow sticks and light up balloons.  The park may seem innocent, but they are ruthlessly about the money.  They try to get you at every turn, prey upon the kids to guilt their parents for a purchase that they'll probably never use again.  For example, many people were walking around with Yoda backpacks.  It was basically a backpack that looked like Yoda was hanging onto your shoulders.  While this is funny to look at this is the quintessential impulse buy.  Sure it's funny for a minute, and you get some looks walking around the park, but when the hell are you ever going to use this again unless you frequent Star Wars conventions?  Disney has this down to a science.

CONCESSIONS

Of course when you go to any amusement park you are not expecting to eat healthy.  You tend to eat a lot of sugary crap and junk food that's mediocre at best.  But this is southern California, and we are known to have very particular diets.  I would think that Disney would try to take advantage of this by offering some kind of healthy options while gouging the shit out of the price.  I was surprised that nothing like this existed.  But what was really surprising was when we decided to get some coffee to wake ourselves up after an early departure.  My girlfriend does not drink milk, and instead uses soy milk for her coffee.  It was strange to find that only one place in the entire park carried soy milk, despite numerous places that specifically made coffee drinks.  I don't really understand the logic behind this, but knowing Disney, there's got to be a reason.  Probably to get you to order the 82 ounce piss machine soda in the commemorative cup.

CAPTAIN EO

I vividly remember going to Disneyland when I was 6 years old to watch this when it first came out.  I was a big Michael Jackson fan, and seeing this in 3D (very new at the time) was incredible.  I had a shirt, the hat, everything.  Of course Disney stopped showing it after MJ's "love" for children came to light, but like what happens when most controversial celebrities pass away, all is forgotten, especially when there is a way to gain financially.  So it wasn't much of a surprise to see it back, playing in the same theater as it was 20 some years ago.  Taking away the dated effects, it still held up.  This was made right on the cusp of MJ turning from a normal looking man to a plastic looking woman, so it was a treat to see the songs and dance numbers again.  It was also cool to see the reaction of the crowd, most of whom were probably not alive when it originally came out (yes, I felt very old the entire time).  But leave it to Disney to capitalize on Jackson's death the best way they know how.  MERCHANDISING!!!

The bottom line is that Disneyland is still a fun place to visit, and it holds a lot of great childhood memories for a lot of us.  Seeing it from an adult perspective takes some of the luster off of it, but it is still a good time overall.  If you're going to go, make sure you bring your Donald shirt, Mickey ears, and a balance free credit card and cash, because you're gonna need it.  But having experience it for the first time since childhood, I think it can be summed up best by a friend, who said "I don't like Disney, but I do enjoy it".

Amen.